My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
