my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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