Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
