It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
