this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
