I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
