arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
