Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
