im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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