How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
