Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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