I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
