Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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