I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
