Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
