i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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