Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
