Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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