I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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