Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
