I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
