On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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