Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
