Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
