How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
