Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
