we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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