he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
