Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
