I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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