Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
