just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm getting married
To pizza
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
