So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
