I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
