My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
