apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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