I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
