Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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