Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
