my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
