I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I smell stomach acid.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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