real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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