just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
