Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
