i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
