Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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