He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
tell me about the fingering
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
