ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
