cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
