okay pat passed out under dana's car
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
