Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dicks are not precious.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
