so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
