I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
