but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
