You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
