The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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