I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
