Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
